ABC’s Wife Swap

A most funny thing happened to me this week.  I received an email from Wife Swap!  They wanted to know a little about our family and wanted to know if we would be interested in “swapping”.  I thought for sure my kids were playing some kind of sick joke on me.  I forwarded the email around to family and friends.  Everyone swore they had nothing to do with it and found it as amusing as I did…saying, “if anyone was ever made for a TV show, you are most definitely made for that one”.  So, still thinking it was a big joke, I responded to the email.  Below is that email.  Low and behold, they called me and I found out that it wasn’t a joke.  They loved my letter and want us to fill out an “official” application.  Since everyone is encouraging us, I guess we will.  Even if we aren’t picked to be a “swapper”, it was a lot of fun to think “what if”.  I am told this describes us and my personality to a T so I am also posting this letter in the “meet the family” section of my blog.  Ok, now for the email…

Dear Gaby of ABC’s Wife Swap,

 

Ok, I got your email and figured this was some kind of weird joke my kids are playing on me.  Who would willing switch places with a GOAT FARMER?  I mean, come on…have you read my blog or something?  I must make it sound more exciting than it really is or maybe I should write that book about my life like everyone keeps telling me.  So, even though I am betting this is a big joke on Mom, I am responding to your email.  Here goes nothing…

 

Vince, my husband, is the baby of 4 children.  He is 100% Italian and VERY proud of it.  Did I mention he is a proud Italian?  His parents have been married for what seems like forever.  Vince has two brothers and one sister.  Having the perfect childhood, he is very close to his parents and siblings.  Being very Italian, they love to hug and kiss you and feed you until you feel physically ill.  He grew up on a Mushroom farm in Chester Co, Pa.  He currently works off the farm for A. Duie Pyle and travels a lot for his employment.  Leaving me here to run everything and take care of the kids.  He loves farming, tractors, and is a motor head.  He likes to think he is the boss of our home but I know who is really in charge J.

 

I am from divorced parents who are both happily re-married.  All together I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers who I am close with.  I have always been a big tom boy and enjoyed sports.  Pretty much if it was girlie, I wasn’t interested in it.  I don’t own a dress, have never worn high heel shoes, swear more than I care to admit, and have never been to a spa.  What the hell is a spa anyway?  My wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts.  If it only has a little bit of manure on them, then they are exceptionally clean…a lot of manure…you can wear it one more time.  As a child my life consisted of playing sports and driving my parents insane.  My sisters like to tease me saying they don’t have one picture of me without some kind of cast on.  Vince likes to remind me that it has been 6 months since I last broke something and needed surgery (he literally saves vacation time just for this).  I used to work part-time as a 911 dispatcher but my full time job is the farm and kids.  I am the milkmaid and midwife of the farm.  I am also the AI (artificial insemination) expert of the family.  That is AI of goats.  I am a blogger as well.  I love animals and the Philadelphia Eagles….GO EAGLES (oh well, maybe next year)!!!

 

Joey is 18 and is a Marine.  He knew he wanted to be a Marine since he was 3 years old after watching a commercial for the Marine Corp.  He is currently stationed in Washington DC and has Presidential Support Duty.  We are extremely proud of him and all of his accomplishments at such a young age.  He has never been much of the “farmer” type but we love him anyway J.  He is the only child that slightly looks like me.  Being 18, Joey loves his car, and the Marine Corps!

 

Mikey is the middle child.  He has a very compassionate heart and makes friends easily.  It seems everyone in the county knows Mikey.  He likes driving me crazy, fishing, farming, hunting, playing the guitar, girls, and the computer.  He is the one I can count on to do barn checks during kidding season (goat birthing season for all you non farmers) at 3am on a school night when it is 4 below and snowing.  He is very competitive and this is why I believe he loves to compete in ADGA Dairy Goat Shows and local fairs, farm shows.  Mikey is our resident water boy as his main daily chores is to make sure all the water buckets are clean and filled up twice a day.  This is a huge chore in the winter and quite frankly, I wouldn’t want it.  He looks exactly like his father and people tell us this no matter where we go or where we are.

 

Katie is the baby and a typical Italian Princess.  She is very much a Daddy’s girl.  She loves animals, scary movies and books, and driving Mikey crazy.  Katie enjoys the goats but after witnessing her first kidding, she decided she was never going to have children naturally and plans on adopting.  She is the “back up” to me in the barn.  She will fill in as the milkmaid (she hates it) and she gives shots when needed, bottle feeds the babies, etc.  Katie always seems to disappear though when it is time to clean out the barn.  My daughter is exactly as me in the fact that she is a big tom boy as well.  She can throw hay bales with the best of them.  She also looks exactly like her father…”those good Italian genes”, Vince says.

 

Vince and I have been married for 15 blissful years (cough, cough).  OK, it always hasn’t been exactly blissful but I still love him most of the time .  Are you sitting down?…Where did we meet?…In prison!  Nope, that is the truth.  We were Correctional Officers at Chester County Prison.  My kids like to tell people their parents met in jail just to see their reactions.  To sum up our wedding…it was just like the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”.  Just change it to Italian, switch a few characters, and there you go.  We both are conservative Republicans, very patriotic, and believe in the satisfaction you get from hard work.  We are in the process of moving our farm from the mountains of Northern Pa to Lancaster County, Pa where I grew up.  We will be a Grade A Goat Dairy at that time and have future plans of also adding a goats’ milk cheese business.  I have a goat milk soap business that barely breaks even that I plan to continue.

 

I home school our kids because I love to be driven crazy and am a glutton for punishment.  You will usually find me either making goat milk soap or in the barn.  In addition to running the farm, homeschooling, running a business, and being Chief Milkmaid, Midwife and Nursemaid, I clean the house, do the laundry, and make all our meals.  Although, my house never seems to be clean, there is always a pile of laundry to do, and the kids complain that there is nothing to eat on a daily basis.  I also find time to make a couple of quilts each year and do some knitting and crocheting.

 

So please, pretty please pick me for your wife swap…goat farmer addition.  The opposite of my life would be sunbathing on the beach of Hawaii, drinking alcoholic beverages from a pineapple, while Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise whisper sweet nothings into my ear.  The person you send here must be able to milk a 100 goats, wrestle bucks (while they are in rut) to the ground without personally being violated by them, and not think twice about going inside a doe’s vagina while she is in labor to untangle the kids and pull them out.  If you are still interested and want to learn more, visit our website and my blog.  I have listed a few of my favorite posts that describe me and what me life is like around here.

 

Good luck in your search!  May you find just the right farmer and sucker out there to make the switch with her.

 

Amy Sciotti

Bada Bing Farm

www.badabingfarm.netfirms.com Our website

https://asciotti.wordpress.com/  Amy’s Farm Blog

 

Favorite Blog Posts…picked by my blog reading public.  Read these when you feel like your life sucks and you need a good laugh!

 

 

And here is a picture of me…I’m the one in the cowboy hat J

bbf-banner

 

 

I also have about a million and one pictures on my website as well under the “Farm Pictures” page.

Best Regards,

Amy

About asciotti

Please keep in mind that I never grew up on a farm, lived in the city or its suburbs all my life. Many farmers out there will find this blog a hoot as I stumble through the every day life of running a farm (most of the time...all by myself).
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4 Responses to ABC’s Wife Swap

  1. Michelle says:

    Is the 13-year marriage a typo? Just wondering, with the 18-year-old son and conservative values and all…. 🙂

    • asciotti says:

      Actually it was a typo…we have been married for 15 years. Vince came into my life when Joey was just 3 years old. I was a single mother at the age of 19. Although a lot of people kept telling me I shouldn’t have a baby, I didn’t listen to them. If it wasn’t for Joey being born I am not sure where I would be today. He literally saved my life as I most definately was headed down a bad road. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided then and there to be a good mother, create a loving, caring, and safe home filled with good values, morals, and God. Everything my life was lacking up until then. When I first held him in my arms and when I look at him today, I know he was a gift from God.

  2. Michelle says:

    I’m sorry; in hindsight that sounded catty, and I really wasn’t trying to be. Just wondering if there was someone before Vince or something.

  3. jojo says:

    LOL. Amy don’t do it… ha. they will make you look evil and bad. Don’t they do that to all of them? The flit that will come to your house will want to change everything, send your kids to school. get rid of the goats, and *gasp* clean your house…

    THough if you do get picked make sure you email all of us on goatmilksoap if you do!! so we can watch!

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